Gorgeously Junkie

2004-02-02T22:05:00.000-05:00

"Awake on my airplane..."

As promised long ago, I have included some pictures. But since I'm cheap, you kind of have to go a roundabout way to see them. Under the "Cool Shizzo" heading, click on the Pictures link. It will take you to my Yahoo! messenger profile in which you may view my pictures. There are only two of them, cuz that's all I could find that didn't make me look like a complete cow. Enjoy!

Take my picture!

2004-02-02T10:13:00.000-05:00

"Hail, the conquering hero..."

Hello, once again! I have returned from self-imposed exile most triumphantly, having vanquished the foul professor-monsters in a first-class display of academic brilliance and chutzpah! In short, I passed my doctoral comprehensive exams with distinction...I'm on my way to becoming an ivory tower academic. In the words of Howard Dean: "YEEAHAAAHA!"

The exams themselves were nothing short of disappointing. Throughout the first 2 years of grad school all you hear about is how you have to pass your comps or you're dead in the academic water. So an image starts to develop of a grueling two-hour torture session where evil professors look for any and every chance to humiliate you. It is not so. It was really a two hour conversation among informed people that seldom had the air of a test. While not exactly enjoyable, it wasn't as painful as promised.

In celebration of my victory, I went out and promptly bought myself an iPod. Let me tell you how much I love this thing. It is my new best friend. I have spent nearly every available moment loading CD after CD onto this thing, each new addition to the songlist giving me a mini-orgasm. My entire music collection is now in my pocket. I now regret the many times I referred to Apple computers as "Macintrashes". Steve Jobs (and I realize that he probably didn't invent the thing) is a fucking genius.

The holidays were not the most enjoyable, as I spent the majority of the vacation studying (needlessly) for my exams. It was nice, however, to spend some time at home with my parents and the dog. Thank you to everyone who gave me presents, I'm sorry I couldn't get to the thank-you cards this year as I was otherwise occupied. I appreciate each and every gift, and I consider myself blessed to be deemed worthy of such esteem from such admirable people. All the best in the (not-so-new) new year!

Finally, a long overdue shout-out to some fellow Bostonians, Jeff and Moe. They've been reading and commenting for a while now, and I promised to myself that upon my return to blogging appropriate mention of the dynamic duo would be among the first orders of business. Hi guys!

2003-12-11T13:50:00.000-05:00

Auf wiedersehen.

After much personal debate, I have reached a decision concerning this blog, namely, that I am going on hiatus until my exams are over. As much as I enjoy writing out stuff about my life for the world to see, and hearing back from those of you interested enough to read it, I really do need to take the time off. My exams are a huge part of my ability to progress in the doctoral program, and since it is nearing crunch-time I feel that I need to devote as much time as I can to preparing for this test of wills. And so, I will reserve whatever time I used on this blog in the past to concentrate on enriching my ability to think critically and substantially about important historical issues. Never fear...I shall return after all is done, sometime in mid-January. Until then, I bid you a fond adieu, and I hope all of you have the best of holidays. Peace and love to you all.

-Jason

2003-12-02T11:16:00.000-05:00

Bits and bobs.

First off, a belated "Happy Thanksgiving!" to everyone. Sorry for the absence.

You cannot imagine how busy I have been lately...funerals...papers to grade...reading to do. It all stems from two things: 1) the end of the semester is approaching, and all of you who have attended upper-level educational insitutions of some description can sympathize with the hectic AAAAAAAGH I CAN'T BELIEVE I PUT THIS OFF TO THE LAST MINUTE feeling; and 2) my doctoral comprehensive exams are coming up in January. For those unfamiliar with the doctoral process, these are the exams that determine whether or not one is "worthy" of continuing on in the program. Basically, it's a two-hour oral exam with your graduate committee (the four professors with whom you have done fields of research) in which they question you on everything you've read and learned in the last 2 1/2 years in the program. It's do or die. Pray for me.

In other news, I saw Gothika this weekend. I must say that it wasn't as bad as all the reviews make it out to be. The beginning of the movie is genuinely creepy, as most films set in mental institutions tend to be. But then it rapidly devolves into a twisting labyrinth of S/M sex, murder, hysterical and scantily-clad Halle Berry moments, and a dénouement truly unworthy of the film's opening shots. There is nothing particularly "gothic" about this film, which is a pure disappointment given my fascination with things macabre and otherwise slightly off-kilter. But for pure entertainment, all in all, it wasn't a bad way to spend a Saturday evening.

This week I've seriously debating two things. The first is whether or not to buy the new Britney CD. Any suggestions? The second is whether or not to start an aquarium. I had one as a kid and loved it. And I really want a pet. But knowing me and my penchant for not taking care of things, I don't think it would be a good idea. Not exactly the Lincoln-Douglas debates, but who can explain the workings of the human mind?

Lastly, a belated "Happy 30th birthday!" to Kenny. All the best, and many happy returns!

2003-11-25T10:07:00.000-05:00

"Give me life, give me pain, give me myself again..."

Life can suck sometimes. Last week, only a few days after the extreme joy of having the state of Massachusetts recognize same-sex marriages, my best friend Danielle called to tell me that her father had died early that morning. He had been suffering since August with a terminal case of malignant melanoma that a doctor had misdiagnosed last year. If they had caught it then, he would have lived. The best laid plans of mice and men, I suppose.

Mike was a nice guy. I usually feel very uncomfortable around my friends' parents...it all stems from the fact that my friend Stacey's dad hated me when we were in high school together, for no apparent reason. But Mike was really cool...he always made me feel welcome. He was extremely generous. He loved his children, especially his two little adopted daughters from China. Danielle's speech made me cry, even though I had only known Mike through association. He was a good man, a good husband, and a great father.

Something else happened yesterday. I saw Danielle was being wonderfully supported by her wife Catherine, and I started wondering if I would ever have something like that. When (Heaven forbid) my parents die, who will be there to comfort me? Who will hold my hand and tell me everything will be all right? While I certainly enjoy my independence and am not crippled by feelings of loneliness as some of my friends are, there are times that I have to say that having someone to share your life with is most appealing. I don't know if I ever will have that, but I will keep hoping. Sometimes that's all you're left with.

2003-11-18T11:02:00.000-05:00

Words are inadequate.

I can't describe what I am feeling right now. The Massachusetts State Supreme Court just ruled this morning at 10AM that it was unconstitutional for the state to deny marriage to gay and lesbian couples. Citing that such distinctions make gays and lesbians "second-class citizens," the Court decided that the Commonwealth was not living up to its constitutional assertion that all citizens are equal before the law.

I am overwhelmed with emotions: excitement for my people; nervousness at the backlash that may come; exhaustion from the long, long road behind us. But most of all I am experiencing a euphoria that I have seldom known. I'm not even petitioning to get married, and yet just knowing that now I can do so is enough to make my eyes swell with joyful tears.

Thank God almighty, we are free at last.

2003-11-12T21:32:00.000-05:00

BC, Club Kids, and fisting.

So recently I've been made the point person for organizing a gay alumni association for Boston College. I wasn't supposed to do it, but the people who were supposed to do it got really busy and so, being the nice guy I am, I've de facto been nominated. It's actually quite amazing. I've learned so many things from all the alumni I've been in contact with. For exampe, the movie I Think I Do was written and directed by a BC grad about his life with his freshman year roommate. Who knew? I've been watching this movie for years and never suspected. And, once upon a time, BC had a recognized and funded feminism group called "Womynfire". Not so any more, but that's pretty damn cool. I truly hope I can organize some event and meet all of these people face to face. Through solidarity, we will accomplish great things.

In other news, I am now completely obsessed with the Club Kids. I just finished James St. James' book (mentioned last post), and now I bought and am in the process of reading another book on the subject: Frank Owen's Clubland. I have no idea why I find this endlessly fascinating. Drugs, lust, murder, and sequined costumes make for a great story I guess.

And, since I know what perverts you all are, here is an e-mail from the "ew" file:

"Hey man
26 white jock guy here. into hot locker room scenes and fisting. wanna shove my hand so far up your ass i reach your teeth. hit me back if interested
-cal"

Now, I ask you: What, for the love of God and Reason, are you thinking? YIKES.

2003-11-09T22:57:00.000-05:00

"Get out of my dreams...get into my car..."

I am so sorry that posting has been sparse lately. There are many reasons for it...none of which are all that fascinating...but if you really need to know, I'll tell you.

I'VE HAD TOO MUCH FUCKING WORK TO DO!

That is pretty much the extent of it, except for one thing: I'm in the process of buying a car. I never knew it was so time consuming. I thought I would just go to a dealer, plop down a few grand and drive the baby home. But no. There is registration...and insurance...and property tax...and the list goes on. Damn you corporate America! Anyhow, when all is said and done, I will be driving me new car home next weekend. Hallelujah! I have broken free of the cloying chains of the Boston bus system just in time for winter. So long, suckers.

The car is nothing special in itself. It's a 1996 Oldsmobile Cutlass Sierra, dark red, with red interior. I feel like a 70 year old pimp should be driving the damn thing. But who cares? It's more about what the vehicle symbolizes...absolute, stunning freedom. At long last. My first car...and I only had to wait almost 25 years. I could cry.

And I know I keep saying this, but trust me on it, the pictures are coming soon. I just haven't had time to sit down and fiddle with it. And now, back to the essay I was writing...

Oh yeah, and P.S. - I bought the book that Party Monster was based on, and it was damn good. Very easy to read, entertaining as all hell, and very, very interesting. Check it out, it's well worth the fifteen bucks.

2003-11-03T12:28:00.000-05:00

"I'm back in the saddle again..."

Hello once again, ankle biters. Last week was an insane week work-wise...I had meetings with professors that I needed to finish reading for, my students' midterms to grade, and a whole bunch of otherwise uninteresting things to do. So much to do, in fact, that on Halloween night I passed out in front of the television and missed all the trick-or-treaters in my neighborhood. Sorry kids, apparently I'm too old for Halloween.

As promised, a ghost story from my own experience:

As an undergrad, I never went home during the summers. I stayed on campus and worked for the Office of Student Development. One of the perks of working for OSD is that student workers get free housing for the summer in O'Connell House. For those unfamiliar with BC geography, let me explain: O'Connell House (or OCH) is the student union at BC. It's a mid-nineteenth century Tudor-style mansion that was built by the Liggett family, which had grown wealthy on pharmaceuticals. Since its days as the Liggetts' home, it has been owned by the Boston archdiocese and eventually ended up in BC's hands. It's very old, very big, and very scary...and as you can imagine tales of campus nightmares abound concerning OCH. Naturally a skeptic I didn't think anything of it when I went to live there.

Anyhow, each weekend one of the students must stay in and baby-sit the house, so to speak. The weekend of July 4th it was my turn, and naturally everyone else in the house had left for the holiday weekend. I didn't mind...there was a big screen TV and a pool table in my room. I was well-equipped to pass the weekend in solitude. One evening I was lounging on the couch in my room, watching the big screen, when I heard someone call: "Jason! Come here!" Thinking one of my roommates had returned early I went out into the grand hall to see who was there. Not a soul was in sight. Indeed, nothing was in the vast darkness of the hall except for a tiny wisp of smoke. Heebie-jeebie.

In other news, the weekend brought a new pair of sneakers. They're flashy. Also, coming very soon: pictures!!

2003-10-31T09:34:00.000-05:00

I do believe in spooks.

Happy Halloween everyone. Sorry for the lack of updates...it has been a crazy week. Unfortunately I don't have the time to update you on just how crazy it was at this very moment. In about 27 minutes I have to teach the first of four classes today and I haven't the foggiest idea what we're going to talk about. Isn't education grand? I promise more later...maybe even a ghost story or two from my own life experience. Spooky!

2003-10-23T13:32:00.000-04:00

Flashback to October 23, 1999.

I don't remember much about the night. I think we met up at his apartment near Symphony Hall. He was a student at the New England Conservatory...a tenor...a specialist in German opera. Attractive. Outrageous personality, very funny - a real charmer. I was instantly attracted to him the moment I met him in person. One time that the internet didn't fail me on that count. We had been dating for a couple of weeks, and we had plans to go out to the movies that night. I forgot what we saw, and chances are that I wasn't paying attention anyway. We sat in the darkened theater, and he held my hand, lightly stroking it with his thumb. I was getting hard sitting there in the chair. I wanted him badly, and so when we left the theater and he invited me back to his place, I eagerly accepted. How foolish we are in youth...I suppose I was just thrilled that he wanted me. It wasn't something that happened very often in my life.

The minute we were inside the door, the clothes came off a piece at a time. The picture just kept getting better. And the sex was great...one of the best blow jobs I believe I have ever received. It was so hot that I even ignored the fact that we hadn't discussed our sexual histories, something I had previously made a standard practice. When there isn't time, there isn't time I guess. When it was over I thought about this small slip of mind...and what at first appeared small grew larger and larger in scope until it consumed my every thought. I turned to him.

"When was the last time you were tested?"

"Six months ago...I was negative."

"Have you had sex since then?"

"Yup."

"With how many people?"

"I don't remember...y'know, I was just having fun."

"Oh, yeah. Just."

He wanted me to spend the night. I said no, and I left, probably without even putting on all my clothes - I don't remember - I was just in such a hurry to get out of there. I was freaked.

Two days later I get a phone call. He was never really attracted to me. I guess he was just having fun. Oh yeah, and I should check myself for crabs. Thanks for the warning.

Fast forward 3 months. I am 30 pounds heavier, because I eat when I get nervous. I am so freaked out about disease that every runny nose means that I am dying. The crabs had come and gone, but not without a fight. Subconsciously I would have been happy to let them stay, there were bigger things to worry about. I eventually got a checkup, and I was fine. Relief number one. Relief number two, from an incessant fear of disease, is still on its way. Four years later. Haven't touched another person since then, or allowed myself to be touched by another person. When will life get back to normal?

2003-10-22T14:32:00.000-04:00

iTunes and twentysomethings.

Yesterday I discovered Apple iTunes for Windows. It is the best thing ever conceived. Granted, it's not free like Kazaa and it doesn't have the selection of Napster, but it's a pretty good replacement. The songs are current, they're always good quality, and they download really quickly. You can even make CDs in a flash. It's great, check it out.

Via artisforlosers and akafrankgreen:

Top 10 Things to Do in Your Twenties:
1. Drive a wickedly cool car, even if you have to rent it. Um, I'm still riding the bus. Granted, I'm only 24, so I still have time to get that Pinto I've had my eye on.
2. Date against type. I did this once. His name was Stephen. He was a musician, as are all the people I've dated, but he was very attractive and a huge skank which is rather atypical for me. He's the reason why I haven't had a date in 4 years (October 23rd baby!). Not so sure this is a good idea.
3. See the world. I've been to France, and I am desperately trying to go back. We'll see about this one.
4. Live in a cool place. I live in Boston and have for the past six years. While it might not seem so, I think it's a pretty damn cool place.
5. If you're going to drink a lot, do it when you're young. Not a big drinker now, but I definitely got my fill of alcohol during my college days. Nothing says fun like having your head in the toilet.
6. Take risks with your job. Hahahaha...did someone say job?
7. Do something physically adventurous. I think that time I had sex in the woods counts as physically adventurous.
8. Take your parents to dinner. I have in fact done this...and even threw my grandmother in to boot. Take that!
9. Do volunteer work. Not really big on volunteering, but I did teach English to a bunch of retired Russians for about 6 months. I can now say "I want pizza" in Russian.
10. Use this decade to go to extremes. I'm not really sure what's meant by "extremes," but I'd say that the all-night trip to Foxwoods casino or the impulse voyage to Niagara Falls count. Plus, I still have 6 years left...next stop, rollerblading down Mt. Everest!

2003-10-21T09:44:00.000-04:00

This made my day.

Today as I was walking to school, a car pulled into the parking lot of Maddie's, a convenience store located across the street from BC's main entrance. I cast a furtive glance at the drivers, as I often do out of dumb curiosity. I noticed there were two men in the car, reasonably attractive. One slender and tow-headed with an enchanting smile; the other raven-haired, a wide but taut frame, and a romanesque face with very kind and laughing eyes. I remember thinking to myself that they would make a very cute gay couple. It never occurred to me that they actually could be...isn't that odd, that of all the people who could have witnessed their arrival, I would be the one to fantasize about it but not to actually envision its plausibility? So imagine my surprise when the tow-headed man opened his car door, kissed his partner goodbye, and trotted off to school.

I smiled the rest of the way into the office this morning.

2003-10-20T09:19:00.000-04:00

"Nice day for a white wedding..."

The weekend was boring. My life is boring. All I do is read and eat and sleep. I'm a young twentysomething gay boy...don't I deserve some fun once in a while?

So I was watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding on HBO for the thousandth time this weekend, and I suddenly realized that Nia Vardalos' nightmare is exactly what I want one day. I want a wedding where the whole family is so excited that they hijack it away from us. I want my parents to argue over whether or not he's good enough for me. I want there to be awkward family meetings with my Aunt Olive or my crazy cousin Mary Jane. Why? Well, a couple of reasons. One is that it would mean I was in a committed, loving relationship and that I'd have someone to spend the rest of my life with. The other is that family is very important to me, and it would be just one more instance in which my family -- crazy as it is -- would demonstrate how open, accepting, and caring they can be. I want to be able to introduce someone to that community. And similarly, I would like to be introduced into his. Things to think about for a future that may never happen.

2003-10-16T20:52:00.000-04:00

I apologize in advance for the randomness to follow.

Well, today was a delicious day. My mom came to visit, which is always a good thing. My mom and I get along so well (as most gay boys do with their mothers), and whenever she comes up she tends to buy me gifts. Today was no exception. First of all she brought me about ten home-made throw pillows that she made with her new sewing machine. They are so cute! Then she took me to Target and we shopped for curtains. Needless to say, Target came through as it always does. There are now fabulous hunter green curtains hanging on almost every window in my new apartment...it no longer looks like a sanatarium. I also picked up the new John Mayer CD, Heavier Things, which I am listening to as I type this. So far, not bad...I'm rather enjoying. Go John. For this, I can almost forgive that Jennifer Love Hewitt thing. Almost.

So you'd think a book about French prostitutes would be interesting. It's not. Leave it to academics to take the fun out of anything, even whores.

Annoying moment of the day: reading the fortune out of my fortune cookie from my lunch with Mom at the Golden Temple. "You and your wife will live a long and prosperous life together." OK, number one, how heterosexist is that? And number two, since it's assuming the heterosexuality of the reader, what would happen if that fortune were given to a woman? Just one small instance that illustrates no matter how far we've come, there's still a long way to go.

So I have to admit that I find straight porn incredibly "entertaining," and lately I've been jerking off to this website called College Fuck Fest. If you're into straight porn, I would highly recommend it. It's all about these guys who go to frat parties all over the USA and film the goings-on of various college students in flagrante delicto. Whether or not this is real or staged is completely irrelevant. Nothing compares to seeing some beefed-up twentysomething frat guy slipping the salami to some vapid, drunk sorority chick. (Well, OK...a beefed-up twentysomething frat guy slipping the salami to another beefed-up twentysomething frat guy might top that...I'm just saying.)

Teaching the Atlantic slave trade tomorrow in class. Must go prepare.

2003-10-14T11:05:00.000-04:00

Queer aesthetics and the bloodfeast!

Well, that was a crazy week. But now, papers are graded (and my God, were they awful!), I read about 4 books this weekend, and I even had time to go to the movies and buy a vacuum cleaner!

The movie I saw was Party Monster, the new movie starring Macaulay Culkin and Seth Green. This movie has been getting some bad reviews, but I thought it was endlessly fascinating. First of all, the subject matter was engrossing. Before this film, I had no idea about Michael Alig and the Club Kids scene, or even of the tragic fall of Alig due to his murdering of his drug dealer. I don't know where I was in the early '90s that this could have escaped my attention. But on another level, this is what truly struck me: these people -- Alig, James St. James, Keoki, Gitsie and the other Club Kids -- had created a genuinely queer culture that was completely divorced from trite associations of sexuality. Sexuality was a part of their existence, but not a defining characteristic. They were concerned with one thing only: having a good party and being fabulous in any way possible. Living on the margins of society as freaks, and yet at the center of public attention for their outlandish celebration of life. Even Geraldo took notice for Christ's sake! I can't think of any other subculture that so closely resembles the essence of queer existence, that is, at one and the same time marginalized and completely endemic to the whole of existing social symbolic structures. Needless to say, I am now obessed with the topic. Go see it, it's worth it, even if just for the fabulous outfits and the ability to say truthfully that you saw Macaulay Culkin's naked ass.

"I want a bloodfeast!"

2003-10-07T09:30:00.000-04:00

"Crazy...but that's how it goes..."

This is a crazy week, y'all. Papers to be graded (why, oh why, do I leave these things to the last minute?), reading to be done, book reviews to write, lessons to be taught. In short, don't expect too much from me this week.

I know it will be disappointing for all four of you who read my blog. :-)

2003-10-03T13:26:00.000-04:00

Hey now!

OK. Continuing with the "freaks on the internet" theme, I received the following e-mail:

"Hey guy,

I'm 33, 6'5" 220lbs, Irish-American, 8 inches cut. I'd like to get
together later this week or this weekend and give you what you need. Want
to slap your ass as I pound my cock in nice and deep and pull back your head
and ride you. I'm gonna slap that ass of yours hard and treat you like my
little bitch and you'll like it you little BC slut. I want you to wear your
BC cap backwards so I can see the logo as I fuck your hole. I want you to
show me that school spirit and give it the ole college try."

Ummm...yeah. What makes you think that I would remotely even consider taking you up on this? First of all, I don't do random hookups, and even if I did a simple "Hello, how are you?" would be enough to get the conversation going. Have these people completely lost their sense of civility or even of quasi-normal human interaction? Get a brain, get a life, get a clue people!

2003-10-02T21:20:00.000-04:00

The power and the glory.

The other night was probably one of the best nights of my life.

You all probably don't know, but Boston College had earned itself a reputation as one of the most homophobic schools in the nation. Deserved or not, the reputation was based on several things, the most important of which being the fact that the school's gay student group (the LGBC) had applied for recognition 5 times since its inception in 1975 and been denied every time and that sexual orientation is not included in the school's notice of non-discrimination. Well, this week began to change some of that pervasive feeling that somehow we don't belong there -- last April the administration finally approved recognition for a gay-straight alliance known as the Allies of Boston College. This past Tuesday the Allies hosted their first event, and it was phenomenal.

The premise was rather simple: a panel of 4 gay BC graduates, telling their stories of life at BC and beyond. The reality was so much more powerful. All 4 participants (including a federal appeals judge and a Massachusetts state representative) told such compelling stories of bravery, of sadness, and finally...of joy. Each one expressed that they had felt such disappointment in the University that ever since they graduated from BC they had wanted nothing to do with it. Until now. Finally, a sense of connection, a sense of belonging had been established with so many of BC's forgotten students and alumni. The supreme sense of validation, not just of our existence, but of our inclusion within a community was overwhelming. One word was used over and over: justice. It was amazing to see justice in a real, tangible form, and not simply as an abstract conception. To know that justice exists -- in this, our age of Matthew Shepard and the Federal Marriage Amendment -- is a supremely comforting and heart-warming thought. It was beautiful. I cried.

So I want to personally thank those that participated and tell them how beautiful they all are, how wonderfully brave, how absolutely inspiring. Welcome to the fold, brothers and sisters. We belong.

2003-09-30T10:12:00.000-04:00

The Rules of Internet Dating.

When I first came out of the closet, I admit that I dated my share of people I met on the internet. These relationships lasted anywhere from one date to about 4 months, some sexless and some not, but they all had certain qualities in common. Now, in this dry spell that has lasted almost 4 years (October 23, baby!), I have found myself drawn once again to the false hope represented by cybercommunication. To keep myself from doing something I will probably regret later, then, I post the Rules of Internet Dating.

1. No matter how charming someone may seem on AOL/AIM/ICQ, etc., they are probably not that charming in real life.

This is just a simple fact. The construction of internet/chat communication is such that the conversants are allowed time to ponder their witty replies before engaging them in the repartée. Consequently, said people think up some real gems of internet conversation. However, when one meets them in person, they are apparently buffoons who can only interact normally with other people through a computer. Case in point: Dave from MIT. We went on one date. We met, said hello to each other, and he said maybe a maximum of 5 words the whole rest of the night. Clearly intelligent, but social graces severely lacking.

2. When sending pictures (or "pics/pix"), people are going to send the ones that portray themselves in the most flattering light.

And seriously, I would expect nothing less. The problem with this is that when you finally meet, it is hardly ever under favorable lighting circumstances. Similarly, while their most flattering picture may have been taken when they were 19, it's not OK to send that picture when one is now 40. I propose a change: send the ugliest picture of yourself that you can find. If they still want to meet you, it was meant to be. Plus, it keeps your expectations low, so you're less likely to be disappointed.

3. No matter how well-intentioned someone may seem, they almost invariably are after one thing.

And we all know what that is. How many times have we heard "No, I'm really a LTR kind of guy," or "I'm not just in it for sex"? Don't get me wrong, sex is nice. Downright fantastic sometimes. But it is not the end all and be all of every relationship. I'm not opposed to people out for something quick and nasty...I'm the last person to tell anyone how to live, so more power to you. All I'm saying is that you should always be upfront about your expectations. Fewer people get hurt, and there's more of a chance of getting what you want if you're honest. Which brings me to...

4. People who seek romance on the internet are only interested in fantasy and won't be satisfied with anything less.

Pretty self-explanatory, I think. Porno takes care of fantasy for me.

So there you have it. I realize that these are not hard and fast rules. I don't think everyone on the internet is a liar, or ugly, or just interested in sex. I know that lasting, loving relationships are made possible by the internet. But you gotta figure the odds: there are millions of ugly liars out there for every 10 success stories. So the main lesson to take from this is caveat emptor: buyer beware!

2003-09-29T10:06:00.000-04:00

"I don't understand how a heart is a spade, but somehow the vital connection is made..."

Praise Jesus. I now have internet access in my home. Posts will (hopefully) be coming more regularly from now on.

This weekend was a lot of fun. Friday night I went out with my friend Rod, who has just moved back to the Boston area after only one month's absence. That's the thing about Boston: when you live here for a while all you want to do is get out, but as soon as you're out all you want to do is come back. So, Rod is back and we had a lovely time helping him get re-acquainted with groceries and other new-apartment type needs.

Saturday was spent playing Warcraft III, listening to music, and fiddling with the internet. I'm trying to go wireless because the cable modem hookup is in a room on the other side of the apartment from my bedroom. This is fine for work, but how am I supposed to jerk off to porn in a communal office space? My laptop is already fixed up for wireless access, I just need a router apparently...any suggestions? I already tried one, but the signal was so weak and slow that it was practically useless. Anyhow, I digress...Saturday night was spent with Meredith and her roommate Rachel. We had dinner in Chinatown (excellent ginger scallops!) and then traipsed off to the opera at the Cutler Majestic Theater. The show was Mozart's Don Giovanni, and it was fantastic. Some operas put me to sleep, but this one held my attention from beginning to end. Bravo!

Sunday, I spent most of the day reading Freud's Psychoanalytic Notes Upon an Autobiographical Account of a Case of Paranoia for my Queer Theory course. Fascinating stuff. It's about this German doctor who thought he was being transformed into a woman so that God could impregnate him and thereby give birth to a new, improved race of humans. Freaky shit, eh? After the orgy of Freud readings, I headed out to trivia night at Anam Cara in Brookline's Washington Square. My team was bested by Meredith's team, but that didn't impede us from having a good time anyway.

I find myself bored with my (rather extensive) music collection. I need to know what the hot new thing is so I can get really excited about it, and listen to it non-stop. Any suggestions?

And to whomever found my site while looking for "naked dudes on spring break," I'm sorry I couldn't provide the necessary titillation. Try NakedSword (via Kenny).

2003-09-23T15:29:00.000-04:00

For some reason, my list of 100 things does not seem to remain in the archives. So, by popular demand (I wish!), I am re-posting it here.

100 Things

A few months ago, the Yankee Blogger (who, sadly, no longer blogs) ran something called "100 Things About 100 Bloggers," in which many blog-folks sent in lists of 100 things about themselves. Well, I'm a little late to partake in that action, but I thought I'd do it anyway in order to give you a better picture of me. So, here goes.

100 Things About Jason
1.I was born on February 14, 1979.
2.Having your birthday on Valentine’s Day sucks.
3.I am originally from East Hartford, Connecticut.
4.I now live in Brighton, Massachusetts, a neighborhood of Boston.
5.I am a PhD student in History at Boston College.
6.I went to BC undergrad with majors in History and French Literature.
7.I speak French fairly fluently.
8.I am gay.
9.I have been out of the closet since my senior year of high school.
10.I have not once regretted it.
11.I am very close with my family, especially my sister Kim.
12.Right now I’m listening to Bon Jovi.
13.I love all types of music, but especially 80’s and 90’s pop/rock.
14.I have had a total of 3 boyfriends.
15.I have not been on a date in over 3 ½ years.
16.I have not had any sexual contact in that same amount of time.
17.I have never had sex with a girl, although this summer I did kiss one in a drunken stupor.
18.It did not turn me on at all.
19.From third grade through senior year of high school I took dance lessons in tap, jazz, and ballet.
20.I competed in regional dance competitions and once came in Second Runner-Up for Teen Mr. Dance of Connecticut.
21.My very first solo competition, I won a gold medal.
22.I miss dancing.
23.In high school, I wanted to go into musical theatre after I played the part of Action in West Side Story
24.I have also been in Once Upon a Mattressand Oliver!
25.I once stole a Playboy magazine from my neighbor’s house.
26.My favorite book is A Prayer for Owen Meanyby John Irving.
27.On my first birthday I had pneumonia.
28.My Dad was a Marine.
29.My Mom is a nurse.
30.My sister is studying to become a special needs teacher.
31.I don’t really have any male friends from high school.
32.All of my friends from college are gay, except Amanda, who might as well be.
33.My senior year of college I was president of BC’s GLBT group, and a Cabinet member of the undergraduate government for GLBT issues.
34.I wrote my senior thesis on Marcel Proust.
35.I hate gay clubs and bars.
36.I dislike most alcoholic drinks.
37.I have only thrown up from drinking once.
38.The only illegal substance I have ever tried is marijuana.
39.Senior year of college I smoked it way too much.
40.I am obsessed with Joan Crawford.
41.I think I am ugly.
42.I have mild OCD and have been going to therapy for it.
43.Sex freaks me out, mostly because I’m afraid of disease.
44.I frequently have cybersex.
45.I have tried phone sex twice.
46.Both times I ended up laughing into the phone uncontrollably.
47.I love computer games.
48.I wasn’t allowed to have a Nintendo as a kid.
49.I was in love with Vinnie, my college roommate.
50.He started going out with my friend John, and now I don’t speak to either one of them.
51.I was valedictorian of my high school class.
52.My roommates are a couple.
53.Sometimes I really resent them for that fact.
54.I am a TA for the undergraduate Modern European History class at BC.
55.I love teaching.
56.I am addicted to American Idol.
57.I have all of Paula Abdul’s albums.
58.I listen to them regularly.
59.I have seen Chicagothe musical 9 times.
60.I have seen the movie 5.
61.I once met Jasmine Guy after one of the performances and got her autograph.
62.I have only been on an airplane once.
63.I went to Paris, France.
64.I want to go back really badly.
65.My bedroom walls are covered with old Rolling Stonecovers.
66.My favorite one is of Ricky Martin.
67.Right now, I’m eating Tostitos and salsa.
68.I’m also thinking I’m the most boring person alive.
69.I have never 69ed with anybody.
70.I totally planned for that to be #69.
71.I have a preconceived notion that the West Coast is a plastic society with no soul, even though I have never been there.
72.I think, on the whole, gay men are some of the shallowest people alive.
73.I still think they’re fabulous.
74.The furthest West I have been is Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
75.I think Vin Diesel is hot.
76.I had my first kiss when I was 18 years old.
77.I think I’m going to order dinner in tonight.
78.I love gargoyles because I think they’re cute.
79.I recently went to my 5-year high school reunion.
80.I felt like the belle of the ball because Peter C. is selling shoes at Westfarms mall and I am a PhD student.
81.I was a band geek in high school.
82.I play the clarinet in Boston’s Gay and Lesbian Freedom Trail Band.
83.I am fairly atheistic.
84.My favorite holiday is still Christmas though.
85.I first came out to my Mom as bisexual to soften the blow.
86.She called me on it.
87.My favorite movies include Moulin Rouge, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Clue, Star Wars, and Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.
88.When I was little I had recurring dreams that I was either being eaten by a wolf or swallowed by a large lizard in the middle of the desert.
89.I have no idea why.
90.I think Louis XIV, Oscar Wilde, Marcel Proust, Sigmund Freud, and Michel Foucault are the most interesting figures in all of history.
91.I am gradually changing from briefs to boxers and boxer-briefs.
92.I think Queer as Folkis tacky.
93.I still watch it religiously.
94.Right now I’m totally rocking out to Boston’s “More Than a Feeling.”
95.I have a passion for board games and playing cards.
96.I think Madonna is brilliant.
97.To help pay the bills I work in an office that helps international students get their visas.
98.I hate George W. Bush.
99.I’m terrible with money.
100.I’m done!

2003-09-23T13:32:00.000-04:00

"'The time has come,' the Walrus said,
'To talk of many things:
Of shoes -- and ships -- and sealing-wax --
Of cabbages -- and kings --'"
-Lewis Carroll, "The Walrus and the Carpenter"

Again, sorry for the infrequent posting. This no internet deal is really getting my boxer-briefs in a proverbial knot.

So, there are many interesting things to say about my roommate Megan. One is that she's pagan, and as such, can do really nifty things like read Tarot cards (she was actually a paid reader at Boston's oldest Tarot salon). So last Friday, she read my cards in regard to that which we esteem above all other things: romance. Her conclusions were eerily accurate: I have been hurt in the past by 3 men; my issues about my appearance and personality keep me from being truly happy; I'm never satisfied with what I have because I'm always running toward some goal that gives my false promises of happiness. She made a believer out of me.

In other news, my friend Big Gay Matt came to visit this past weekend. Now, I've never been physically attracted to Matt, but I do know that at one point he harbored secret desires for me. So while he was up here, I shamelessly flirted with him: laughing, groping, excessive amounts of physical affection. This confuses me. I know there is no possibility of a romantic relationship with Matt, because of the aforementioned attraction issue. So what was I doing? Am I secretly expressing deep desires for Matt that are hidden in my unconscious? Am I just being friendly? Am I so horny that I'll do anything with a pulse? And if anything happened, would it be fair to Matt? Or to me? God, I sound like a freakin' lesbian. The only thing that gay men and lesbians have in common is the ability to take any situation, however banal, and turn it into a knock-down, drag-out drama extravaganza replete with emotions, loaded words, and the occasional flying object.

Lastly, I don't know what to make of this kid. OK, he's cute. Adorable, really. But he is so jaded for someone his age that I can't help but feel anything but a sense of loss for this kid. He's talented, attractive, and obviously very smart. Why does he waste his time on bitter innuendoes and disaffected sniping? Take a lesson, homos: this is what certain aspects of "queer culture" -- however fabulous -- can do to our youth.

2003-09-15T10:00:00.000-04:00

Odds & ends.

Sorry for the infrequent posting, kids. I am more than two weeks into my new apartment and I still have no internet access. Not even dial-up. It's amazing how one can live so near a bustling metropolis, and still feel as if completely stranded in the desert.

Classes are rolling along as one would expect. I'm taking this class on "queer theory" that is just blowing my mind. Have you ever met someone so smart that you feel like a buffoon just standing next to them? My queer theory professor is one of those people. I could just sit and listen to him speak for hours. And it helps that he's incredibly funny too. I've never had a class where the professor speaks so readily of masturbation, frat boys, and anal fucking. It's splendid.

So, my supposedly "straight" roommate Megan has a crush on one of her friends, who is also of the female persuasion. I like to think that this is my doing, that I've converted one through my radiant queer brilliance. As long as I don't have to hear the muff-munching (thereby causing me to be ill all over my newly-cleaned bathroom), I'm really happy for her.

Last night we watched the debut of that new HBO series Carnivale. It was pretty interesting and David Lynch-esque. At any rate, it was enough to keep me interested for at least another week's viewing. *Sigh.* I need a boyfriend. Or at least a good roll in the hay.

I promise more interesting entries are on the way, but it's hard to devote a lot of time to weblogging when your only connection is through your work computer. Gotta go, the boss is looking at me suspiciously...

2003-09-03T12:25:00.000-04:00

Wasserstadt.

I'm all moved in to my fabulous new place in Watertown. Of course, everything I eat is microwaved because my life is still, for the most part, in boxes. But I'm not complaining. It's far better than being homeless. And Watertown Square is a blessing. Conveniently located right down the street from me, it's full of quaint stores and restaurants that simply must be perused. One establishment is labeled Sushi "21" (quotations included). I'm dying to know what the "21" is about. Anyone for sushi? The only downside is the commute. Those of us who are sans automobile have to make use of the dreadful MBTA bus system. I have to take 2 buses and the BC shuttle to make it to school which takes about an hour. Driving commute time is about 7 minutes. How unjust is that? I'm telling you, when the Revolution comes...

In other news, school started yesterday. Grad school beginnings are nowhere near as exciting as college and high school beginnings. Classes aren't really classes, they're more individual research deals, so there isn't that first class meeting where the teacher hands out the syllabus and you decide if you really want to be writing 30 page papers in December. Before, it was more of a decisive break with the laziness of summer. Now, it all just melds together. This lazy transition has a twofold aspect in that on one hand it serves to soften the blow previously delivered by shock-and-awe syllabi. On the other hand, there's no real sense of urgency, and hence, no motivation to do work. Right now, I'm much more interested in arranging my living space and organizing my CDs than I am into reading about the Dreyfus Affair.

A big shout out to the small army of friends that helped me move this past weekend. It was very noble of you all to give up your Saturday to help me out. I owe you my first born child. Keep in mind though that I'll only have children if Cher is the surrogate.

2003-08-26T11:10:00.000-04:00

"Mama, I'm coming home..."

I do not have to live in the Fleet ATM vestibule.

Huzzah.

Last night we got a call from the real estate agent saying that our bid on a place in Watertown was accepted. And even better, it was our first choice of the 20 or so apartments we saw this weekend.

And so, the long, arduous search for habitation is ended. Megan and I shall now live blissfully in sin.

2003-08-25T13:46:00.000-04:00

"I wish I was homeward bound..."

6 days. No place to move to. Anxiety level: volcanic.

2003-08-21T09:20:00.000-04:00

"I won't say a single thing darlin' that you can't believe..."

Oh. My. Gawd.

Def Leppard rocked the house.

Personally, I think this concert was better than the one in New Jersey. They did almost exactly the same set, with a few minor (and better) additions. It was loud. They totally pumped up the crowd. People were dancing, singing, and pumping fists into the air. Joe Elliott hit the high notes with aplomb. Phil Collen hammered on his axe shirtless. And the show was right on Boston Harbor...the setting could not have been more perfect. It was magical.

And I'm still homeless. Countdown until I have to move out of my current residence: 10 days.

2003-08-19T09:04:00.000-04:00

"Love me like a bomb, baby c'mon get it on..."

Because Def Leppard put on a superior show in New Jersey, Jan and I are headed to the Fleet Boston Pavilion tonight to see them again. This time, with better seats...we're going to be right in Joe Elliott's face. It's going to be great.

Nothing exciting happening this week. I still don't have a place to live. Anyone want to take me in?

2003-08-14T11:14:00.000-04:00

"I'm a cowboy...on a steel horse I ride..."

The vacation was phenomenal. OK, so it was in New Jersey, the armpit of America. And yes, white trash abounded...ugly, skinny boys with greasy hair and muscle tees were in every mall and chrome-plated diner. Girls in pants that were painted on (and should not have been) with their ridiculous topknots Aquanet-ed to the sky drove their bling-bling cars on every divided highway, jug handle, and through every tollbooth on the New Jersey Turnpike. But, we had a blast.

The Aerosmith & KISS concert was by far the most disappointing. The setting was great...the Jones Beach Theater on Long Island is a beautiful place. The stage is right on the water, and there is nothing around you except gorgeous sandy beach. It was the perfect place to have what could have been the perfect concert. But no.

The opener - Saliva - was actually very good. Loud, but good. Even though I don't know their music that well, it was an enjoyable 40-minute set.

Then KISS came out. And they rocked. They rocked hard and long. They descended from the ceiling on a platform lined with rotating sparklers, they had an abundance of lasers, strobes, and pyrotechnics. They were in costume and makeup...Gene Simmons did his tongue and blood routine and Paul Stanley (whom I believe to be a drag queen) strutted his ass in front of the crowd and got everyone pumped to the max. They ruled the night, even though we really came to see Aerosmith.

Oh, Aerosmith.

Steven Tyler was clearly not into the performance. They only played for an hour and fifteen minutes. They didn't do an encore. They played 3 songs off of their upcoming album that no one knew. And they ended with "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)". While this is an enjoyable song, it is clearly not something you want to end the show with. How the mighty have fallen.

Bon Jovi was the second-best of the bunch. Giants stadium was packed with 60,000 people shouting "LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!" They played for 2 1/2 hours. It poured, but no one cared because they sounded great, and Jon Bon Jovi was looking mighty fine in the rain and his skin-tight brown suede pants. You could tell his religion. And, best of all, during "Bed of Roses" he dragged this leggy blonde from the crowd up on stage to dance with him...and afterward her boyfriend came on stage and proposed to her. It was magical.

And the winner of the 80s pop-rock extravaganza: DEF LEPPARD. And really, who was surprised? They looked good, sounded great, played everything you would want to hear, and put on an awesome show. Flawless performance...well done, Joe Elliott & company.

The rest of the time in New Jersey it rained, so we didn't get to do a lot of the things we planned. Jan hooked up her old-school Nintendo and we played Super Mario 3 and Dr. Mario until our thumbs bled. That, and we ate a LOT of Mexican food.

Since then, it's been back to work, back to packing (for moving to an as yet to be determined location...AAARGH!), back to life in general. Jan came up to Boston for a few days so we could make our "Hardcore Hair" mix-CD collection of all of our favorite hairband songs. Currently there are 14 volumes, with a couple more on the way.

We are clearly the coolest people in the world.

2003-08-01T10:14:00.000-04:00

"Cuz I'm addicted to drums and I'm a slave to the dark beat..."

Twirling lights. Fog-filled dance floors. Hazy, smoke-seared bars. Gorgeous, sweaty, shirtless men grinding with bubble-assed twinkies. Thumping beats. The sights and sounds of Manray on a Thursday night.

Yet again I go out into the world of gay nightlife, and once again I feel as if the gay community, such as it is, completely passes me by. In all the years I've been out and about...not just in clubs and bars, but community events, activist meetings, theatre shows...it's as if I've been invisible to the population of Queerdom. No one dances with me. No one buys me drinks. No one even stops to chat. The most I get is "Oh, sorry" when someone bumps into me on the dancefloor in the middle of trying to perform some twisted "sexy" dance, intended to entice the shirtless man dancing next to me. I suppose half of it is my fault. I defer to the Smiths: "I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar." But other people manage to get hit on without lifting a finger. Why can't I? Am I THAT unapproachable? Now I understand why I only do this every 6 months or so.

Despite this rather melodramatic realization, I did have a good time dancing, and the evening's intended purpose -- to give my friend Rod a send-off before he moves to Maryland -- was a rousing success. Manray is a fun club in many respects, because it draws from all aspects of Boston's diverse community. Leather-clad S&M devotees bump with straight college girls who in turn came with their boyfriends who are desperately trying to avoid the stares of the primarily gay male population of the club. Drag queens strut from one end of the club to the other while the bars attract the butch lesbian couples. Singing, dancing, arms-in-the-air, jumping up and down -- it's a swirling, glittering mass of bodies in what has become the 21st century salon.

Some highlights of the evening:
-Rod's straight friend Elaine dancing all up on a cute Asian lesbian.
-The straight couple on the stage. She was pushed up against the wall, skirt up over her ass while he was bent down diving right in with his tongue. ON STAGE!
-Laughing in the face of my friend with the Manhunt ad when he came over to say hello -- in my head, I immediately saw the picture of his ass in the air, begging for his fantasy to be fulfilled.
-My personal favorite: We got there really early, so when we got there, there were only 2 or 3 people on the dance floor. One of whom was this old man who desperately needed help from the Fab 5: ratty puke-green polo shirt, those hideous male capri pants with black tube socks pulled up to mid-calf and BROWN SHOES! On the one hand I was thinking this man was a tragic mess, a comedy on two legs. On the other hand, I kind of admired him for being out there, doing his thing, and not seeming to care that he looked like roadkill. I hope I have that much courage when I'm his age, because I certainly don't have it now.

So, it is now Friday, and with my eyelids drooping from lack of sleep I am bidding you a fond adieu for the week, because as of 3 o'clock today I am on vacation. The week of 80s pop-rock nirvana commences!

2003-07-31T10:29:00.000-04:00

"Music makes the people come together..."

Since I am now obsessed with my new computer's AMAZING CD creation abilities, here's the playlist from my latest pop music mix. Please refrain from laughing at my music choices until the ride has come to a complete stop.

1. Celine Dion - A New Day Has Come
2. Dream - This Is Me
3. Enrique Iglesias - Escape
4. Natalie Imbruglia - Wrong Impression
5. Nelly Furtado - Turn Off the Light
6. Ryan Adams - New York, New York
7. Shakira - Objection (Tango)
8. LeAnn Rimes - Can't Fight the Moonlight
9. Uncle Kracker - In a Little While
10.Vengaboys - We Like to Party
11.Westlife - Swear It Again
12.Kelly Osbourne - Papa Don't Preach
13.Michelle Branch - Everywhere
14.Jimmy Eat World - The Middle
15.Jennifer Lopez - Jenny from the Block
16.BB Mak - Still On Your Side
17.DJ Sammy - Heaven
18.Pink - Don't Let Me Get Me
19.Dirty Vegas - Days Go By
20. Eminem - Without Me (OK...so morally I object to Eminem, but damn if he doesn't have some catchy stuff. I didn't pay for it though, so that puts my soul at ease. I hope the RIAA isn't reading this.)

2003-07-30T11:44:00.000-04:00

Yowza.

So I was hanging out with Meredith and Adam last night, just to unwind for a bit and catch up with a couple of friends. One too many strawberry daiquiris later, I am lying face down on the floor in the kitchen doorway, unconscious. I hope I had a good time.

In other news, only 3 more days until my vacation, and I can barely contain my enthusiasm. Let me tell you why. On my vacation, I am going to New Jersey to visit my friend Jan from high school. Now, New Jersey is not the most exciting of places to go on vacation. However, what Jan and I have planned is sure to put a gleam in the eye of any fan of '80s rock music.

Three concerts. One week. Def Leppard...Aerosmith & KISS...Bon Jovi.

How cool are we?

2003-07-28T15:21:00.000-04:00

"We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology."
-Carl Sagan

OK, so I'm in a bit of a technological dilemma. Being the poverty-stricken grad student that I am, I cannot afford to upgrade and get my own website. But, I would like to do basic things with my blog like post pictures, which currently I cannot do. And so, I defer to those more technologically savvy than myself: Is there a solution to this conundrum? And if so, what it be, yo? (Keep in mind that I know practically nothing about HTML and other internet lingo.) Thanks to all!

2003-07-28T11:21:00.000-04:00

The Weekend Update

Well, the weekend was pretty low-key, but that's always a good thing in my book. Especially since the next couple of weekends are going to be filled with travel, friends, and general high-tone merriment. More on that later.

Friday night was "culture night". I originally had plans with Danielle and Catherine to see Seabiscuit, but unfortunately the girls had to cancel on me for personal reasons. Luckily Nicole e-mailed while I was still at work and invited me to see Shakespeare in the Park that evening. Shakespeare in the Park is put on by the city of Boston every summer in an attempt to enlighten and enliven the masses. Basically, the local Shakespeare company produces one of Shakespeare's plays to be performed evenings on Boston Common. This year's production is Macbeth. Having never read the play before I was eagerly anticipating the performance -- I had heard the tales of witches, betrayal, murder, and vengeance before, and who doesn't love those things in their entertainment? Also, Lady Macbeth is one of the most evil women in all of literature, and I like my women to be castrating bitches. The weather was perfect, the park setting was beautiful, and the performance was enjoyable. Favorite line: "Go! And screw your courage to the sticking place!" Ah, Shakespeare.

Saturday, Megan and I had yet another apartment viewing, this time in Allston. The place was actually pretty nice, but the location was terrible, or as Megan would say, "It's in the ghetti." Come on, Watertown. We're rooting for you.

Later that afternoon, Rod and I went to the Natick mall, didn't buy a single thing, and then went to dinner. In the evening we met our friend Jim and went to Club Café (Club Trashé) to have a few drinks and take in the local gay eye-candy. One drunk dude almost fell on top of me, and I wouldn't have minded in the least if he had -- he was damn hot! Other than that, the bar was kind of dull for a Saturday night, and we left around midnight. Unfortunately, Rod and I won't have too many more opportunities to hang out at the local gay bars, as he is moving to Maryland in a couple of weeks. You'll be missed, big guy. "Black man! Black man! Where did you come from?"

Random aside: Rod and Jim informed me that a certain friend of mine from undergrad has a rather revealing ad on Manhunt.net. Apparently the ad has pictures of him, naked, ass in the air and spread eagled, begging for two older men to work him over. I was as shocked as I am titillated. He seemed like such a mild-mannered boy. You think you know people!

Yesterday was a lounge day...no shower, no shave, no clothes, and Chinese takeout. Since the roommates are away for a two-week trip to Alaska, I am definitely in the mood for some naked time around the apartment, and yesterday I took full advantage. Our poor goldfish got an eye-full.

So, as you can see, the weekend was kind of uneventful (unlike some people I could name!). Ah, the dog days of summer.

2003-07-25T13:49:00.000-04:00

"DJ just play that song, cuz I wanna keep dancin' all night long..."

OK, because I'm bored at work, I'm going to give you the layout of my latest '80s pop/rock extravaganza mix:

1. Information Society - Pure Energy
2. A-Ha - Take On me
3. Bananarama - Venus
4. Jane Wiedlin - Rush Hour
5. DeBarge - Rhythm of the Night
6. Gary Numan - Cars
7. Human League - Don't You Want Me
8. Lionel Richie - Dancing On the Ceiling
9. Men Without Hats - Safety Dance
10.Wham! - Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go
11.Big Country - In a Big Country
12.Eric Carmen - Make Me Lose Control
13.Johnny Hates Jazz - Shattered Dreams
14.Nu Shooz - I Can't Wait
15.Simple Minds - Alive and Kicking
16.Sheila E - Glamorous Life
17.Tracey Ullman - They Don't Know

Rock and roll.

Also, check out the new addition to the "Cool Shizzo" list. He's my friend Richard...we were the two guys at our childhood dance school, which as you can imagine provided much opportunity for bonding. We never see each other any more, but every once in a while we chat just to keep up with the times. He's now at art school in Savannah, Georgia. He's cool as hell, so give him a look.

2003-07-25T09:37:00.000-04:00

And the search goes on...

So, currently I am in the market for a new apartment. Both of my current roommates are moving to New Jersey so that Jorge can attend law school, and I wish them all the best. However, since they are moving out, this leaves me with a problem. My current apartment is a two-bedroom place, utilities included, with all the modern conveniences, and in a nice area, right on the B line in Brighton. As can be imagined, since it is in such a prime location, and is in such great shape, the price is astronomical (If any of you live in Boston, you can only pretend to know how much I am paying. It's ridiculous). Therefore, moving is required.

My friend Megan and I have thus been searching Craig's List and looking at many...many...many apartments. And last night, lo and behold, we found The One. My roommate Justin has this theory about apartment searching: you will see many that you could potentially live in. But when you find the right place for you, you will KNOW it. And that's exactly how this place was last night.

First, some details. It's in Watertown, in a fairly good neighborhood, and relatively close to BC so the commute wouldn't be bad. It's significantly lower in rent than my current abode. And the place is fucking amazing. First floor of a two-family house, enormous living room, dining room, kitchen, sun room, and bedrooms. Fabulous wood paneling and trim. Inlaid cabinets, shelves. Ample closet space. Storage and (free!) laundry in basement. Parking included. The moment we walked in the door, we knew we wanted to live there.

If we get to live here I will seriously crap my pants. Maybe twice.

Now all we have to do is get the place. Send out good vibes everyone, because daddy needs a new fabulous apartment.

2003-07-23T11:16:00.000-04:00

Welcome back.

Hello again, dear readers. I have returned. I am sorry for the extended absence, and I'm not even sure I can venture an explanation. I just needed a break from a lot of things, I had a burning need to simplify my life. And it seemed one way to do that was to cut out all unnecessary attachments. The blog was the first thing to suffer...but now that things are back in order, I am back and ready for action. I promise I won't leave for that long ever again.

Some updates:
-The end of the school year was extremely hectic. Grading, writing papers, last-minute reading all came tumbling down on my head in one fell swoop -- and even with all the effort I put in, I'm still not done! I am currently in the process of finishing last year's academic work while I slave away at 9 to 5 office drudgery. You know, incompletes seem like a good idea at the time...

-Chris and the Weeg broke up. However, my relationship with Chris has changed dramatically. After he broke up with the Brazilian dynamo, his personality morphed into some nightmare/disco-trash version of Samantha from Sex and the City. And the last straw came when, one Sunday afternoon after we had just had a lovely brunch at Geoffrey's Cafe, he ditched me for some twinky he had met the night before at Manray. It was then that I realized our priorities were radically different and that I should just give up hope for this guy. Sadly, while my romantic attachment has waned, so has our friendship. I've barely spoken to him all summer.

-Boston Pride was fabulous. I took tons of pictures of drag queens and of my sister grabbing her boobs on every street in downtown Boston. After the parade a group of us went to Medieval Manor for some raucous, bawdy entertainment and a LOT of grog. Many drinks were had, much drunkenness ensued...and all I really remember is me sitting in Danielle and Catherine's living room wearing nothing but my boxer shorts while Natalie pounded the knots out of my muscles with Sex Grease. Alcohol is devil-water.

-I just returned from a camping trip in the forests of Otis, Massachusetts. Every year my mom, my sister, my aunt and I go into the woods to commune with nature, eat junk food, play games, and huddle next to a campfire with marshmallows prominently placed on the ends of sticks. I got a ton of mosquito bites and am daily checking for signs of West Nile virus, but we had a glorious time. Upon my return to Boston, the roommates and I took a trip to Six Flags New England with Jorge's friends Teuni (the leggy Dutch beauty) and her boyfriend, Mike (the gorgeous beefy black man from Philadelphia). I rode the Superman twice -- best coaster in the world! -- and screamed like a school girl fawning over Justin Timberlake (which I have also done on occasion).

-I just bought a new computer. Daily, I am glued to it playing SimCity and calling my roommates into my room to say "Look what I can do with this thing!" They hate me, I'm sure.

-This has been deemed my summer of fitness. I am now engaged in what I call "The Plan": yogurt for breakfast, salad for lunch, the gym after work, and a sensible meal for dinner. So far this summer I have lost about 15 pounds and have definitely gained in muscle tone. I am not a vain person, but damn I am looking good. Only 15 more pounds to go before I reach my goal...look out, hotties, because on that day I am gonna hit every club in Boston and trap myself a man.

And to Kenny: thanks for sticking with me dude. You're awesome.

2003-03-14T10:26:00.000-05:00

Homeward bound.

I'm packed, my sister's on her way from New Hampshire to pick me up, and my business for the week is finished. East Hartford, Connecticut, here I come! Have a good weekend everyone!

2003-03-13T23:59:00.000-05:00

"Force is a physical power; I fail to see what morality can result from its effects. To give in to force is an act of necessity, not of will. At most, it is an act of prudence. In what sense could it be a duty?" -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau, "On the Social Contract"

So yesterday, I officially became a member of the antiwar movement.

A bunch of concerned graduate students at Boston College called together an informal meeting to air our views and see what came out of it. What developed became at once an exhilarating and frightening sense that something bigger than myself was happening. The newly formed Graduate Student Peace Initiative has forced me, uncharacteristically, to take a firm stand on a relevant issue. And I'm frightened. The repurcussions could be damaging. Uncertainties abound. But no one ever said that fighting for something you believe in was easy.

I guess in some way, by joining this group, I've been forced to face a situation that up until now I have avoided confronting. By not taking a firm stance one way or the other it was as if the world would hinge on my ignorance of the issue. The world, however, does not work that way, nor should it. No person is strong enough to handle that kind of responsibility, no matter how much faith they have in their own fortitude. I have no doubt that I've made the right decision, and not just in the sense of fighting for global justice, but also in the fight against my own demons. They are strong, but when I'm determined, I'm stronger. I will be heard.

Look out, George W. Bush. This gurl is coming for you, fierce and fabulous.

2003-03-09T16:33:00.000-05:00

Ouch.

Grading like a fiend. Why, oh why do I leave these things until the last minute?

2003-03-08T21:58:00.000-05:00

"It's another Saturday night, and I ain't got nobody..."

Roommates away. Home alone on Saturday night. Watching DVDs and making my Dad's chili recipe.

Chris calls.

He and the Weeg got into a fight last night, and he wanted to talk.

Could this be the end?

Insert maniacal giggling here.

2003-03-07T13:14:00.000-05:00

Can I live?

Yesterday, I had nothing to do at work. So I read and I graded papers.

Today I have too much to do...one project after another.

Learn how to space things out, people. Otherwise I might go postal on your bureaucratic fannies.

2003-03-06T14:50:00.000-05:00

Hakuna matata.

Just when you thought it was safe to expect some warmer weather, somebody dumps a load of snow on you. Why does God hate me?

Oh well. Anyway, my roommates are well on their way to New York City to visit Jorge's mom in Queens. I have the entire apartment to myself for the whole beloved weekend. I think I might put on some light jazz, make a pot of cherry vanilla tea, and snuggle up on the couch with a good book while the snow silently falls. Anyone care to join me?

2003-03-05T13:51:00.000-05:00

Spring Break blows.

And so does Blogger. This is the second time I'm doing this entry...the first one got eaten up by the cybernetic boogeyman. Grrrr. Me so angry.

Anyhow, yeah, I'm on Spring Break this week. While most of my comrades-in-arms departed for various and sundry locations in more temperate climates, I opted to remain here in sunny, if freeze-your-balls-off cold, Boston. I did have plans to visit an old high school friend in New Jersey, but that feel through at the last minute. So, on my Spring Break, I am working an ungodly amount of hours in my equally-as-unholy office. My will to live is being sapped.

Updates:
Friday night my friend Rod invited me to see Puppetry of the Penis at the Copley Theatre. Oh my. Now, the premise of this show is that these two Australian dudes get on stage completely naked and perform "dick tricks" that they used to do in their neighborhood bars when they got drunk. Throw in some cabaret-style stand-up, and there you have it. This is not deep stuff by any stretch of the imagination. However, it makes for glorious entertainment. Never before have I been witness to such unprecedented feats of genital origami and penile artistry. These men shaped their members into a myriad of ordinary objects that astounds the imagination. Now, I've done my share of playing with myself, let's be honest. But these men put me to shame. There were hamburgers, snails, parasailors, and my personal favorite, the sea anemone. This was bawdy, raucous entertainment at its best. Well done, mates! And to Daniel, the cute one with the svelte body and cute little tushie...do you do private parties?

Saturday was spent entirely with Chris and Chris alone. We started off with a lunch at John Harvard's in Harvard Square, and some brief shopping at some of the local stores. We soon retired to Chris's apartment in Somerville for some low-key fun. We took off our shoes and played Playstation 2 games, where Chris dazzled me with his digital acrobatics, and watched more than one fantasy-themed DVD while laughing at how dorky we both are. It was a blast, and not just because we were making each other laugh, but because it was easy, it was comfortable, and it was natural. So it pains me all the more to hear him talk about how things with the Weeg are less than spectacular, and to realize at the same time that he is blind to the one standing right in front of him! We fit so well that I swear he must be blind not to see it. But then again, I'm blind too for believing in fairy tales so naively. Fantasies end, illusions crack, and dreams fade into distant memory. I never realized why Peter Pan didn't want to grow up.

In other news, I'm reading this fantastic book, Paris Babylon: The Story of the Paris Commune, by Rupert Christiansen. How, you might ask, could a book about history possibly be so fantastic? Well, I honestly don't know, because most of them are so boring you want to bludgeon yourself with a hammer to spice it up a bit. But this one is amazing. The prose is superb, the story is intriguing, and I imagine the outcome will have a very poignant message. And in many ways, the history of France's Second Empire can be compared to the current situation with Dubya's war on Iraq. He might do well to read it (sorry, Mr. Sullivan!). That is, if he can read.

So, here I sit, at my desk, bored out of my mind. Any suggestions?

P.S. - Congratulations to Danny and Kenny for being in Cybersocket's top 30 gay weblogs. Well deserved if you ask me.

2003-02-24T09:48:00.000-05:00

The triumph of the Enlightenment?

According to my radio news broadcast this morning, the results of the first human trials of a new AIDS vaccine will be announced this afternoon.

For all of those that have died, and all of those who live in fear of the disease, here's hoping.

2003-02-23T10:38:00.000-05:00

Too...much...wine.

So much to report!

Well, snow day was a blast. My roommate Jorge (pronounced like George...he eschews any affiliation with his Hispanic heritage) made pancakes in the shape of snowflakes, and then Jorge, Justin (my other roommate) and I went to the movies to see Final Destination 2. Honestly, not the greatest movie in the world, but very entertaining. Perhaps I am just morbid, but I enjoyed the scenes where "Death" figured out how to kill people and make it look like an accident. Nothing particularly fabulous about the film, but for a snow day, it was "gorgeously junkie" entertainment.

The rest of the week was pretty much the same old routine. However, I did meet with one of my professors to discuss the work I've been doing on the French Revolution. To be perfectly frank, I was scared out of my wits. This professor is really rather intense. Picture, if you will, what you would typically imagine to be a professor of French history. If you pictured someone intelligent, arrogant, and elitist, you've captured it. So imagine going into a one-on-one discussion with this man on a subject that he knows infinitely more about than you do. Frightening! But, everything turned out for the best...I presented what I had read and the problems that I identified in the historiography of the Revolution, and he beamed. Honestly, I think he now thinks I'm the next François Furet. I was walking on air the rest of the day.

Friday morning my Mom and my Auntie Lauri came up to take me out to lunch. We had a lovely time, as the weather was absolutely gorgeous for once...42 degrees!! Huzzah! We ate at the Cheesecake Factory in the Prudential Center downtown, and then walked along Newbury Street wandering in and out of shops that caught our eye. The highlight of the day was browsing through Condom World with my Mom. Damn, that was funny shit.

Yesterday rained all day long, but that didn't deter my friend Adam from having a gathering at his place for all of us grad school kids. After a helluva lot of wine we got into the "Who would you rather have sex with?" game and laughed our asses off. However, I'm definitely paying for all that wine this morning. Hangovers are not fun.

Today, lots of work must be done, and then I'm going to Natalie's place for a small birthday celebration for my friend Megan. She's a great old gal with a big smile and an even bigger heart. Happy birthday, Meg.

As for right now? Just dealing with a hangover and listening to Beethoven's Piano Concerto No. 5. I promise, Danny, I'll check out Britten's War Requiem soon. Maybe with some of my cold, hard birthday cash...

And Kenny...have a good trip. Have fun, be safe, and bring me back a present. Preferably one with six pack abs and a butt that rivals anything Michelangelo could have come up with.

2003-02-18T10:40:00.000-05:00

SNOW DAY!!!

I feel like I'm in elementary school all over again!

2003-02-17T10:05:00.000-05:00

General update-type information.

What a joyous weekend!

Friday night, my friends Catherine, Danielle, Natalie, and Michelle all took me out to dinner at B.B. Wolf's, for some fantastic ribs and other assorted meaty delights. It turns out they were planning on taking me to Medieval Manor -- a raucous, rowdy, boozy good time in the romanticized setting of the Dark Ages -- however, they were unable to get tickets in time. I was disappointed, but not too much because the only thing I really cared about was not being alone on my birthday. And the girls came through...you're all beautiful! After dinner, we trotted downtown to the Virgin Megastore for some late-night CD shopping. I picked up a couple of goodies on their "2-for-$25" deal, and then we retired to the JP Licks on Newbury Street for some icy dessert goodness. All this despite the fact that it was cold enough to freeze your Winnebago.

Upon my return to my apartment, I discovered that my roommates had made a cake for me, which was followed by the opening of presents. Among the received items was a blow-up Spongebob Squarepants. I loved it. You see, it has been a recurring theme of my roommates to get me tacky gifts for every occasion. I have racked up quite an assortment of oddities including a 3-foot, red, fuzzy Jesus piggy bank, a cigarette lighter where the flame comes out of a woman's nipple, and an ashtray made out of a cow's hoof. I love me some tacky gifts. And I love me some roommates. Even though they nauseate me with their affections, they really are sweet people.

The big disappointment of the night? Chris didn't come out with us because he was spending time with the Weeg. Which, I suppose is always his right. It just hurt a little, that's all. Enough said.

Saturday was a day spent on frivolous entertainment. The roomies and I went bowling -- I have been dubbed "The Inconsistor" because of my less-than-distinguished bowling record -- and later that evening I met up with Chris and Big Gay Matt (even though all 3 of us are gay, Matt is consistently referred to as Big Gay Matt) for drinks. However, the wind was howling mighty fierce, and the cold was unbearable so we popped over to Matt's apartment to eat Chinese food and watch a rental: Imitation of Life. The film was ludicrously melodramatic, but I must confess that I got my jollies by seeing Lana Turner flit about in some absolutely gorgeous costumery that would have made Solomon blush.

And then, Sunday. Sunday was rather undistinguished because I spent the entire time in History Department doing work. I did meet rather briefly with a couple of friends from undergrad who were here visiting. But that was only one bright spot in an otherwise dismal, and bloody COLD afternoon.

All in all, things are going well. And I simply must say thank you to Danny and Kenny for the birthday wishes. You guys are the cherry and whipped cream on my sundae of life.

2003-02-14T00:30:00.000-05:00

24 Candles

Happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday, dear Jason.
Happy birthday to me.

Here's making a wish.

2003-02-12T17:26:00.000-05:00

100 Things

A few months ago, the Yankee Blogger (who, sadly, no longer blogs) ran something called "100 Things About 100 Bloggers," in which many blog-folks sent in lists of 100 things about themselves. Well, I'm a little late to partake in that action, but I thought I'd do it anyway in order to give you a better picture of me. So, here goes.

100 Things About Jason
1.I was born on February 14, 1979.
2.Having your birthday on Valentine’s Day sucks.
3.I am originally from East Hartford, Connecticut.
4.I now live in Brighton, Massachusetts, a neighborhood of Boston.
5.I am a PhD student in History at Boston College.
6.I went to BC undergrad with majors in History and French Literature.
7.I speak French fairly fluently.
8.I am gay.
9.I have been out of the closet since my senior year of high school.
10.I have not once regretted it.
11.I am very close with my family, especially my sister Kim.
12.Right now I’m listening to Bon Jovi.
13.I love all types of music, but especially 80’s and 90’s pop/rock.
14.I have had a total of 3 boyfriends.
15.I have not been on a date in over 3 ½ years.
16.I have not had any sexual contact in that same amount of time.
17.I have never had sex with a girl, although this summer I did kiss one in a drunken stupor.
18.It did not turn me on at all.
19.From third grade through senior year of high school I took dance lessons in tap, jazz, and ballet.
20.I competed in regional dance competitions and once came in Second Runner-Up for Teen Mr. Dance of Connecticut.
21.My very first solo competition, I won a gold medal.
22.I miss dancing.
23.In high school, I wanted to go into musical theatre after I played the part of Action in West Side Story
24.I have also been in Once Upon a Mattressand Oliver!
25.I once stole a Playboy magazine from my neighbor’s house.
26.My favorite book is A Prayer for Owen Meanyby John Irving.
27.On my first birthday I had pneumonia.
28.My Dad was a Marine.
29.My Mom is a nurse.
30.My sister is studying to become a special needs teacher.
31.I don’t really have any male friends from high school.
32.All of my friends from college are gay, except Amanda, who might as well be.
33.My senior year of college I was president of BC’s GLBT group, and a Cabinet member of the undergraduate government for GLBT issues.
34.I wrote my senior thesis on Marcel Proust.
35.I hate gay clubs and bars.
36.I dislike most alcoholic drinks.
37.I have only thrown up from drinking once.
38.The only illegal substance I have ever tried is marijuana.
39.Senior year of college I smoked it way too much.
40.I am obsessed with Joan Crawford.
41.I think I am ugly.
42.I have mild OCD and have been going to therapy for it.
43.Sex freaks me out, mostly because I’m afraid of disease.
44.I frequently have cybersex.
45.I have tried phone sex twice.
46.Both times I ended up laughing into the phone uncontrollably.
47.I love computer games.
48.I wasn’t allowed to have a Nintendo as a kid.
49.I was in love with Vinnie, my college roommate.
50.He started going out with my friend John, and now I don’t speak to either one of them.
51.I was valedictorian of my high school class.
52.My roommates are a couple.
53.Sometimes I really resent them for that fact.
54.I am a TA for the undergraduate Modern European History class at BC.
55.I love teaching.
56.I am addicted to American Idol.
57.I have all of Paula Abdul’s albums.
58.I listen to them regularly.
59.I have seen Chicagothe musical 9 times.
60.I have seen the movie 5.
61.I once met Jasmine Guy after one of the performances and got her autograph.
62.I have only been on an airplane once.
63.I went to Paris, France.
64.I want to go back really badly.
65.My bedroom walls are covered with old Rolling Stonecovers.
66.My favorite one is of Ricky Martin.
67.Right now, I’m eating Tostitos and salsa.
68.I’m also thinking I’m the most boring person alive.
69.I have never 69ed with anybody.
70.I totally planned for that to be #69.
71.I have a preconceived notion that the West Coast is a plastic society with no soul, even though I have never been there.
72.I think, on the whole, gay men are some of the shallowest people alive.
73.I still think they’re fabulous.
74.The furthest West I have been is Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
75.I think Vin Diesel is hot.
76.I had my first kiss when I was 18 years old.
77.I think I’m going to order dinner in tonight.
78.I love gargoyles because I think they’re cute.
79.I recently went to my 5-year high school reunion.
80.I felt like the belle of the ball because Peter C. is selling shoes at Westfarms mall and I am a PhD student.
81.I was a band geek in high school.
82.I play the clarinet in Boston’s Gay and Lesbian Freedom Trail Band.
83.I am fairly atheistic.
84.My favorite holiday is still Christmas though.
85.I first came out to my Mom as bisexual to soften the blow.
86.She called me on it.
87.My favorite movies include Moulin Rouge, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Clue, Star Wars, and Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.
88.When I was little I had recurring dreams that I was either being eaten by a wolf or swallowed by a large lizard in the middle of the desert.
89.I have no idea why.
90.I think Louis XIV, Oscar Wilde, Marcel Proust, Sigmund Freud, and Michel Foucault are the most interesting figures in all of history.
91.I am gradually changing from briefs to boxers and boxer-briefs.
92.I think Queer as Folkis tacky.
93.I still watch it religiously.
94.Right now I’m totally rocking out to Boston’s “More Than a Feeling.”
95.I have a passion for board games and playing cards.
96.I think Madonna is brilliant.
97.To help pay the bills I work in an office that helps international students get their visas.
98.I hate George W. Bush.
99.I’m terrible with money.
100.I’m done!

2003-02-11T16:38:00.000-05:00

This is so third grade.

My left eye has been irritating me since yesterday morning. I just went to the doctor. And it's official.

I have pink eye.

I'm hideous.

2003-02-11T10:26:00.000-05:00

Laissez les bons temps roulent.

Hello once again, my friends.

Last night's adventure to the Brattle Theater was something wondrous to behold. Without my knowledge, the Weeg came along. Now, gentle readers, there is something that must be explained to you. Whenever I am decidedly thrust into uncomfortable situations, it has an effect on my brain similar to what happens when salt is poured on slugs: it bubbles and shrivels up so as to become practically non-functionable. I became a loose cannon, carried by the force of my sheer will to indescribable heights of utter lunacy never before attained by mortal man. The purpose of this gut reaction has always befuddled me, as it seems in the face of such adversity one would want to appear as suave, mature, and have as much intelligence as one can muster up on such short notice. And yet, the complete opposite always happens to me. What's worse is that the whole night I was hearing Michael Sembello ranting into my head: "He's a maniac, maaaaaaniac..." Shut up, Mike. I don't need you in there as well, it's crowded enough.

Aside from my Sybil-esque antics, the evening was rather pleasant. The Weeg only joined us for the movie portion of the night, but beforehand Chris and I had dinner at the Bertucci's in Harvard Square followed by shopping for classical music at Tower Records. Nothing really appealed to me, which is surprising, because I can usually find SOMETHING I want to buy. But alas, I left empty handed. Then, the movie: The Night of the Hunter. This was actually pretty good, despite Chris' track record of low-budget "classic" horror films that aim either to A) gross you out so you can't eat your popcorn or B) confuse you utterly with strange characters and random plot points so you have to spend more money to see the movie again just to figure out what the FUCK it was all about. The plot itself was rather strange, and I won't bore you with details (see the movie if you're interested), but I will tell you that it was worth the price of admission to see Lillian Gish as a cantankerous, Bible-quoting spinster with a soft spot for children and a mean, MEAN shotgun. Go ahead with yo' bad self, girlfriend.

Finally, I have to give a big "hey, girl" to this guy for recently naming me one of his "Nifty People" and this guy for being the first to comment on my humble home on the web. May your stars shine ever-bright. Rock and roll, guys.

2003-02-09T11:42:00.000-05:00

"You gave me just what I needed - JUST WHAT I NEEDED..."

Last night was freaking awesome.

After wasting an entire day watching reruns of The Osbournes and eating myself into oblivion, I get a call from Catherine inviting me out to an evening of fun and drink at Cambridge's fabulous B-Side Lounge. So there I was, having dinner with my favorite lesbos and taking in grasshoppers and tequila sunrises, when who joined us but the fabulous Natalie and...Chris! Sans the Weeg. We ate chocolate and port fondue, laughed, drank, and gossiped. Chris and I are going to see an old horror movie at the Brattle Theater on Monday. Apparently there are secret plans in the works for my birthday next Friday that can only involve people over 21...I'm a little frightened.

I got home around 1AM to discover that my roommates were nowhere in sight. When shortly they did appear, they regaled me with stories of the tragic-ness that was the international student party they had gone to. Then we laughed at this for a while and went to bed.

Well, Sunday is here. I really must do work today. Maybe I'll make some CDs as well. These MP3s are clogging up all my memory, so I can't download any more of them. Grrr...I hate it when things get in the way of my illegal activities.

2003-02-08T13:16:00.000-05:00

"Thanks for the memories of candlelight and wine..."

The party went off without a hitch. Well, unless you count the foot of snow that we got. But that was no deterrent to dedicated party-goers...everyone who RSVPed showed up, and we had a grand time. There was conversation, there was drinking, there were board games, there was music. Over the course of the past year and a half, I've come to discover what truly beautiful people my grad school colleagues are. They're smart, they're funny, and they're wonderful friends. I only hope that our acquaintance continues after we've graduated and moved on to careers in history...I wish all of them the best of luck with everything in their lives.

Highlights of the evening:
1. Adam: The name of my favorite Tori Amos album! -- Lisa: "Under the Pink!" -- Adam: Yes! But that's not what I was going for...
2. My rendition of an unidentified animal mating call.
3. The narghile: a lizard that eat's at Jim Cronin's brain causing him not to publish anything since the Mdawg was in high school.
4. Meaghan's Little Debbie "Be My Valentine" snack cakes.
5. Meredith: "The Mdawg don't listen to that shit!"
6. The recurring theme of Jim's clues to "Catch Phrase": masturbation, pairs, racks, asses, porn, rough sex...

And now, back to the seemingly endless study of the French Revolution...

2003-02-04T21:09:00.000-05:00

Oh...yeah.

3 positive RSVPs so far! You like me! You really like me!

2003-02-04T11:32:00.000-05:00

"Celebrate good times, come on!"

I just sent an invite to a bunch of my PhD/grad school friends to have a little soirée at my place Friday night. I suddenly got this flashback to when I was in fifth grade and invited a bunch of kids to my birthday party at McDonald's. I wanted so much to be liked that I invited nearly everyone in my class, which I believe went to well over 30 kids. Bless my parents, they're saints. Anyway, I remember feeling so nervous that no one would show up, and right now I'm kind of getting that same anxiety. It's so funny how we can never let go of the past, or the neurotic tendencies that come out of it. Send out groovy vibes, everyone, because I want this party to rock!

2003-02-03T21:04:00.000-05:00

Just hooked up my new stereo. It is THE HOTNESS...neighbors, beware! Now, off to watch some reruns of The Cosby Show and get back to my book.

2003-02-03T12:17:00.000-05:00

Damn, it's been a long time.

Well, I've come to a decision on this blog thing. The last few posts have been kind of a "Let me get out as much information and background as I can so I can start really writing" kind of jive, and that's not what I want this to be. It hurts my writing in my furious attempt to fill you in, and I'd rather just take time and write about what I want to write about. So, here it is, direct from me to you...drum roll, please!...from now on, no more background except when requested or absolutely necessary. Hmmmm. Now that I've written it, it doesn't seem like a momentous breakthrough. What the hell, I take pleasure in the simple things.

This weekend was some great fun. I spent entirely too much money, but it was well worth it. On Friday night I met my friends Rod and Chris for dinner, and then Chris and I went to see Darkness Falls at the new Loews Cineplex on Boston Common. (By the way, SKIP THIS FILM. Jeebus, that was some bad writing.) I have had a major crush on bisexual Chris since he broke up with his girlfriend last January and he decided that he would never date women again. So, I'm thinking "HALLELUJAH!," I might be getting some action. Not to mention that I really like him as a person and we have a ton of stuff in common. Well, since then he's gone on a binge of dating club junkies and pretty boys and sort of tossed me to the wayside. Currently, he's dating this scrawny guy from Brazil named Wegi (pronounced Wee-gee, you know, like the board). Anyhow, throughout the whole movie all I wanted to do was take his hand in mine and just sit there like a cute gay couple at the movies. But, being the complete relationship wuss that I am, all I could do was sit there staring blankly at that awful movie and pining for Chris. Fun Friday night, eh?

Saturday came along and my sister came down to Boston to visit. We had a great time...we went to the mall, had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory (those of you who don't live near one, you are SO missing out) and then played games with my roommates. I've come to realize what an incredible person my sister is. In high school she was kind of a screw up, but now that she's in college she's become a completely different person. She's motivated, intelligent, funny as hell, and absolutely gorgeous. In many ways I wish I could be more like her. Our relationship as siblings has developed into full-blown friendship, and if you had asked me if this would happen just a few years ago I would have been absolutely incredulous. I am very pleasantly surprised.

Then Sunday came, all too soon. I play clarinet in Boston's Gay and Lesbian Freedom Trail Band, and we had our winter concert at Club Cafe Sunday afternoon. All my friends came out to support me and my friend Catherine (trombone) and to listen to some happenin' band tunes. Then, again, we all went out to dinner at Fire & Ice downtown. More money spent on food, but some delicious food at that, and the company couldn't have been more delightful.

Well, here I am, Monday afternoon at work. I work with international students, but most of what I do is sit at my desk and read for my grad school classes. The weapon of choice today is Friedrich Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil. In many ways, I think Nietzsche can be considered the first queer theorist in his emphasis on the fluidity of truth and the subjection of cultures to master-slave moralities, which always makes me grin. Not to mention the fact that he is entirely quotable: "Supposing truth to be a woman -- what? is the suspicion not well founded that all philosophers, when they have been dogmatists, have had little understanding of women? that the gruesome earnestness, the clumsy importunity with which they have hitherto been in the habit of approaching truth have been inept and improper means for winning a wench?" Sing on, Sister.

2002-12-06T11:20:00.000-05:00

Ugh. I've just spent the past two days reading and commenting on over 40 student papers, and I am zonked. And the worst part is that I have a rough draft of my own research paper due on Monday, and I've only just started writing it. Sometimes I really hate my life.

It occurred to me that I never explained "gorgeously junkie." It comes from something Gore Vidal said in The Celluloid Closet. He was describing Ben-Hur and basically said that it was an opulent piece of tripe by stating that it was "gorgeusly junkie." I thought that was a fabulous way to describe things -- so many things in my life are complete crap, and yet I take such delight in them that they're absolutely fabulous. And so, with apologies to Mr. Vidal, I've appropriated his phrase and turned it into my personal mantra.

Well, now that I've completed my marathon grading session, I need to take a shower. I feel like a hostage who has just been released.

2002-12-04T12:27:00.000-05:00

Phew! I hate Wednesdays. Wednesdays are my teaching days. I'm a teaching assistant for the Modern European History core class that all BC undergrads have to take...so basically on Wednesdays I get to discuss the same thing multiple times instead of doing my own schoolwork. Don't get me wrong, I love teaching...I just think I would love it more if I didn't have so much other stuff that I need to get done. Plus this week the reading really sucked: Adam Smith and Jean-Jacques Rousseau. YAWN.

Right now I'm sitting in the TA office on my lunch break. Two classes down, two to go. I brought Munchkins in for the kids since this is our last session before the final, and they seemed to enjoy that. The secret to being a good teacher is the little things, I've noticed. I've gotten glowing remarks from a lot of my students, and when it is all said and done, that is what really makes it worthwhile. The sense that I taught them something, and that they appreciate it just makes me float on air.

More later. I need to get back to my preparations, and maybe a little fried goodness from the local cafeteria. Mmm...unidentifiable meat product, battered and fried to perfection. Be still my heart.

2002-12-03T20:42:00.000-05:00

Well, apparently this blogging thing works. How about that, my little chickadees? I'm so excited! My very own web presence. Where to begin...

Well, I guess I can start with myself. I'm Jason, a 23 year old graduate student at Boston College. I am currently pursuing a Ph.D. in Modern European History with a focus on French intellectual history. You can stop yawning now. This is my second year in the program, and my sixth year at BC...I went there as an undergrad as well. I am originally from East Hartford, Connecticut where I lived with my mother and father and my younger sister, Kim. I will always have a special place in my heart for good ol' EH, even though I shall probably never return there for more than the occasional holiday. My life there was filled with joys and sorrows, laughter and tears, just like everyone's hometown. As things move along with this blog, I'm sure you'll hear more about it.

As far as I'm concerned, here are the basics on me: I'm gay, out, and proud. I have many wonderful friends in the community (as well as some enemies), and have overall had an entirely positive experience living with my sexuality. Almost everyone who knows me knows about my life, except for maybe my grandmother. She's a sweet woman, but somehow I don't think that sharing intimate details about my sexuality is appropriate to our relationship. I love music -- all kinds. Except maybe country, although I have a soft spot in my heart for Dolly Parton. I hate sports, I love art. I love reading and writing. Sheesh, it's harder to describe myself than I thought it was...oh well, I guess I'll input things as they come up. It will be a journey for me as well as for you.

Finally, I guess I should explain why I'm doing this. Well, the truth is I don't really know why. I needed an outlet, and somehow I could never get into just plain old journal writing. It's a wonderful pastime, but I don't get the satisfaction out of the fact that someone else might read it and perhaps be touched or sympathize, or what have you. So, over the course of this blog, I'll be sharing my activities, triumphs, defeats, loves, thoughts and whatever else comes to mind. Hope you all enjoy the ride!

2002-12-02T13:33:00.000-05:00

TESTING. God that's lame.